Tzniut (modesty) for *men,* for a change

I just finished reading Rabbi Yehuda Henkin's Understand Tzniut: Modern Controversies in the Jewish Community. On the one hand, I applaud him for taking a stand against the more extreme view of modesty rules expressed by Rabbi Pesach Eliyahu Falk in his Oz ve-Hadar Levushah: Modesty, an Adornment for Life—Halachos and Attitudes Concerning Tznius of Dress and Conduct. Falk seems to think that just about any movement by a woman that would be even remotely attention-getting, such as playing the violin, is immodest, a view that Henkin disputes.

On the other hand, perhaps it's because I have no yeshivah education at all and am unaccustomed to rabbinic argumentation, but I was absolutely floored by the attention paid (in the opening chapter) to the most minute details of permissible dress for women. The rabbis actually measured the permissible amount of a married woman's hair that can be left uncovered right down to the exact number of centimeters?!!!!

My visceral reactions:

• It’s an insult that the rabbis think that even those women raised in Orthodox homes don’t have the common sense to know how to dress modestly without detailed guidelines. In fact, the guidelines themselves sometimes lead to absurd situations—I have occasionally seen Orthodox women wearing tops that cover their elbows but expose a hint of cleavage, and I dare anyone to find me a man who’s more turned on by a woman’s elbows than by her breasts! Let's make it simple and to the point: Don’t wear anything so short that a man can see halfway up your thighs, or anything so low-cut that a man can see your cleavage.
• I've said it before and I'll say it again—the way the rabbis speak of men, one would think that males have no self-control whatsoever. An extra half-inch of exposed hair is going to cause uncontrollable sexual desire? What world are these people living in?
• I've been writing this blog for just over four years, and I've never once seen a post about how Jewish men are supposed to dress modestly. Why are conversations about tzniut never about guys? At the other extreme from the rabbis' apparent opinion that, in matters concerning sex, men are animals, do the rabbis think that we women are made of stone?

So, here are my proposed rules for modest dress for men:

• Women, according to halachah (Jewish religious law) have to have our upper arms (or, at least, our shoulders) and knees (or, minimally, thighs) covered, so what makes men exempt? Why should we be the only ones schvitzing (sweating) on 90-degree days? Ditch the muscle shirts and the short shorts, guys—fair is fair!
• Speaking of centimeters, a little more cloth in the seat of the pants wouldn’t hurt. I think that men’s speedo bathing trunks and skin-tight pants are thoroughly immodest. Save it for the bedroom, where it belongs, buster!